Book Review: But How Are You Really
Surviving intimate partner violence can look extremely different from person to person, but the most common is the gnawing dread of potentially running in to that person once you finally leave the relationship. No matter if it’s years down the line - I think we would all just rather not.
But How Are You Really by Ella Dawson reminded me so much of experiences during my undergraduate years, and just like Charlotte it’s not necessarily the classes or school that I miss. It’s the concept of a close-knit community. Having access to your friends/found family and the excitement in the fresh freedom of adulthood. Yet there are still those sore spots of undergrad - specifically my senior year - that robbed me of the joy of being a first generation college graduate. Although it was nearly a decade ago, there’s still a raw feeling of fawning and fleeing that I resonated with Charlotte on more than I knew was still possible.
Yes, she got out of that relationship but spent years handling her relationships/friendships with extreme distrust and distancing, gravitating towards the unhealthy & manipulative patterns in new ways from new people, and financially dependent on a toxic work environment. I think with ALL of this - the author has successfully represented the multitude of how it can be to experience and survive intimate partner violence.
The only downside I had to this story is that the synopsis describes Charlotte as a “burnt-out bisexual”, yet there is very little need to focus on her sexual orientation outside of the fact to provide a reason for Charlotte’s removal of her mother from her life. As a bisexual, I expected a bit more outside of appearance stereotypes and one-off sentences BUT I understand that the story takes place in one weekend — and you can’t change or resolve all of life’s problems in one weekend. Additionally, the “steamy” scenes just didn’t do it for me, but I did love Reece’s character and his admiration for Charlotte.
You can purchase a copy of But How Are You Really by Ella Dawson from Barnes & Noble, Amazon, Bookshop, or anywhere else books are sold.
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