The Clusterfuck that is Self-Actualization
Lately, I’ve gravitated heavily toward books that demonstrate the process of self-actualization. “The process of becoming all that we have the potential to be.” These are the stories that tackle the (often shitty) facets of personal evolution with the intent to rip the band-aid off and force us to watch the slow, agonizing process of wounds scabbing over until one day they fade to either a demarcation or absolute nothingness.
The Story that Inspired This Piece
The author of my most recent read (Roses, in the Mouth of a Lion), Bushra Rehman, exemplifies the power of disguising restorative practices as literary devices to tell the story of a young girl coming into the truest version of herself. The main character Razia Mirza is conflicted by the demand of her culture and religious upbringing as it goes toe-to-toe with her personal desires. Often stuck looking through the fence, Razia is prone to seeing thorns more than roses, and with every rose she is gifted, it seems to wither away in the blink of an eye. Self-actualization is a bit like that, thorny in a majority of the parts with a contrast of beauty blooming at the end, requiring our appreciation to seek out the good while we have it — as we await a new bud to grow again.
At the end of Roses, in the Mouth of a Lion, I couldn’t help but center the value of the two seemingly polar opposite aspects of Razia reflected in the two people closest to her, Angela and Taslima. Razia was fortunate to have these two relationships because they banded together with Razia’s own sense of self-worth and afforded her the strength to make a decision to unclench herself from the jaws of the lion’s mouth.
Why is it a Clusterfuck?
Self-actualization is a clusterfuck because the process can be hard as hell and the number of choices we’re making in our lives leaves us susceptible to becoming a mismanaged mess. The decisions we make, day-to-day or a singular life-altering choice, are capable of shifting our paths of being the person that we have the potential to be — for better or for the worse. Couple this with our upbringing, insecurities, culture, religion, sexuality, and privilege we’re juggling multiple versions of ourselves that more often than not contradict one another, sometimes like a double-edged sword. Those contradictions force us to decide how best to piece them all together while taking on the pain of removing what doesn’t fit and the natural loss of things (and people) along the way.
Other Books Centering Self-Actualization
I often stumble across other readers’ reviews of books that embody self-actualization (to me) and I’m disheartened when they don’t see what I see in erratic main characters that are doing their best as they are “coming-of-age”. Stories that have hit me with the same level of reprise are Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams, Luster by Raven Leilani, and (a personal new favorite) Maame by Jessica George. When I engage in conversations centered around the unlikeable character traits and storylines around these books, I am often left at a crossroads of “wtf do you mean you didn’t like it?!” and “well it’s ok, I sympathize with these characters as a means to empathize with myself… lucky for you - you don’t”.
